Newcastle, Spurs, Liverpool in shock Eugenics expe

By Sulla
April 1 2005

In what could turn out to be one of the most shocking stories of the year so far several Premiership clubs have revealed shocking underground experiments in the field of Eugenics. Forced by ever growing player power, the clubs have to look towards science for an answer. Unable to afford the stars or their wages, the clubs are looking to artificially grow players. A Doctor from Newcastle University is thought to have been the first in a now long line of scientists to see the potential.

The Doctor who refuses to be named stated:

“At first the experiments were crude, we tried to breed 2 sheet metal workers, but the early results were not encouraging, although they did produce an organism that could drink its body weight and still play darts.”

But time has moved on from those early days moved on primarily by funds set by the ‘ Manchester academy of shirt research' who in a mere three generations have produced an infant, who is biologically incapable of wearing the same shirt for more than three minutes.

But perhaps most disturbingly for man kind and its future is the story emanating from Spurs, where they have produced an entire race of people, who can actually tolerate the extreme pain and discomfort of a Chas and Dave concert, with all most no side effects what so ever.

But the last word could possibly lie with a joint Liverpool/Everton genetic research committee, who produced a bouncing baby boy weighing almost 18 stone, with an almost perfectly formed set of hub-caps in his hands at birth.

People it is time to stand up, otherwise the future of football itself could be at stake, do you want to see your sport in the hands of genetically bread mutants?

If not post your displeasure on this board, a small step in what promises to be a long fight.

Bookmark or share this story with: