By dixon9
November 27 2008

About 30 odd years ago (or maybe it was a bit more?) I used to sit in front of the tele for that rare occasion on British television – a European football match. Sometimes the matches were in black & white but that didn’t take away from the fascination.

There would be a hexagonal patterned black and white ball spinning around almost hypnotically, David Coleman commentating (with invariably dodgy sound quality), names that flashed crudely up onto the screen now and then that were difficult to pronounce and those annoying bloody horns that sounded into one eternal blur. 

The football was usually slow – and to be honest, mostly quite boring – but this spectacle was so rare that I would sit there fixated on how Johnny Foreigner interpreted the beautiful game.

That’s almost how I felt last night watching Chelsea – the important difference being that as a child I always came back for more as I didn´t know any better. 

I’m a lot older now and have a bit more knowledge (I like to think!) about good football so the earlier childhood fascination I had watching those European games has hardened into a more cynical analysis.  This was a poor, slovenly and turgid performance against Bordeaux.

Chelsea kept their lines far too deep giving me the impression for the first 25 mins we were playing for a draw.  Why if that was the intention did we not start with Drogba if we were going to leave Anelka so isolated?

Bordeaux buzzed around on a surface that gave the impression of treacle whilst our lot seemed either casual or tired.  At one point I observed Joe Cole visibly labouring after only 25 mins – huffing and puffing whilst seeking to chase down a ball.

Bordeaux were quicker to the ball than we were and Terry. Ashley Cole and Lampard were all worryingly booked during the first half.

The partisan crowd did their best to spur on their team and to be fair, they had the only real attempts on goal although these were comfortably handled by Cech.

The first half was so bad that I consoled myself with the fact that it was impossible that the second half wouldn´t be better. 

We began more brightly for the following 45 mins. 

There were long periods of our passing the ball around and controlling the game – a bit better I thought.

It wasn’t long before Lampard latched onto a poor pass from a Bordeaux defender and instantly put Anelka through who finished well with albeit delayed aplomb, choosing to dummy the keeper twice before netting calmly.

As we scored Drogba was already being warmed up by Scolari and disappointingly it was Anelka who was to be substituted (Why couldn’t he have left both up front and 4 in midfield? Oh well!).

Once we scored the tempo went back down again and at this stage I was telling myself that this was what you call “grinding out a result” in a tough atmosphere despite the generally disappointing football.

Next up a very inconvenient incident.

Lampard produced an unnecessary foul, arriving very late and receiving a red card for his troubles.  Oh well, I thought, we should have Deco and Ballack firing on all cylinders for the Cluj match.

Then right at the death complacency reared its ugly head and it all went as they say “a bit pear shaped”. 

A Bordeaux corner swung over and confusion reigned amongst our defence as Terry realised that he was blocked off getting to a loose forward heading for the near post.  Meanwhile, Drogba had jogged into the area pointing rather than getting involved in the fray and making a contribution, and the unmarked grateful Bordeaux forward nodded in at the near post. 

I haven’t seen Chelsea defend a corner so badly since erm….well a long time ago.

1-1 it was then.  Scolari left with a furrowed brow and unless we start belting them in against Cluj in the first half for the final encounter of the group stage it could be squeaky bum time.

Typical Chelsea!