By Albatross
December 18 2002

Ho Ho Ho! After their splendid gift to Rochdale on Saturday, it's time to think about what the Players and Staff at Pools might want for Christmas. I have a few suggestions..... Darrell Clarke - a goal. Keeps making the right noises, but you feel it's starting to get to him.

Paul Mullen - a special key that types "It's club policy not to comment on transfer speculation" so that he doesn't have to keep putting it in every time someone asks about a potential signing.

Taff Williams - a pair of glue-coated gloves to make sure he will never drop the ball, and a book on channelling spirits so he can get in touch with Lev Yashin for some advice.

Gordon Watson - special steel-reinforced leg bones to stop him suffering a third break.

Ken Hodcroft - 1000 extra fans every game.

Barry Brian-Murphy - nothing, but he's not bitter.

Paul Smith - a return to last season's form.

James Sharp - a contract with the Dallas Cowboys as a Quarterback. He might be able to put his long throw to good use there, and doesn't look like getting a new deal at Pools....

Mark Tinkler - Anti-wrinkle cream. Other teams don't seem to realise he's not in his 30s yet, this might help!

Ritchie Humphreys - a set of hair clippers, so he can experiment with new hairstyles to his heart's content.

Eifion Williams - the Third Division Golden Boot award will do nicely!

Mike Newell - a long unbeaten run to win the fans over.

Harold Hornsey - good health. Not been well recently, and after all he did for us he deserves better.

Chris Westwood - some longer studs so he won't keep slipping

Steven Istead - a first team start

All Pools Fans - the Third Division Championship.

A Merry Christmas to all our readers!