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The Guide To Tyne-Talk - How Not To Be A Mong

By Chris Baker
July 25 2006

Moderator, Chris Baker, writes some suggestions at how to post if you are a newbie on the Tyne-Talk message board.

If you have joined up to the forum, welcome. However, please read these guidelines before posting. They provide information on what to do and what not to do. They are by no means rules, but failure to abide by them could result in mass frustration and annoyance at your posts, a general hatred, being classified as a mong, and being told to fVck off. Amongst other things. FVck off.

1. No txt spk

No1 lyks 2 c ppl tlk lyk dis on da board. This isn't a phone, this is a forum. We speak English on this forum and expect you to as well. This isn't saying we demand perfect grammar and spelling, nor do we not welcome foreign posters (Newcastle are robber!!!!!!) but please make an effort with your posts. Take time with them and don't resort to txt spking. It is extremely annoying. Extremely.

Below is a picture of board regular Scott R after seeing a post containing txt spk:

Moments later:

In short, no txt spk.

2. Don't start mong threads

In fact, as a general rule I recommend not starting any threads of your own until you become accustomed to the board. Contribute to other threads first unless you've come with a specific question, which is unique or enquiring about something specific.

But don't forget - this board has many users who post and discuss a wide range of topics on a daily basis. They will have discussed countless times who we should buy, who's propa belta, who isn't, whether a certain game has TV coverage, whether Spuds are mongs, and so on. Thus, if you come in and start a thread asking whether signing Klose is a good idea, expect a backlash. There will have already been threads on it. Use the search button and find them, post on those. Everyone is entitled and welcome to their opinions unless I don't like them but put them in the right place.

3. This includes formations

There is nothing more annoying (apart from mongs, txt spk and mongs) than a new user coming in and immediately posting what his starting line up and formation would be, usually with some of his hopeful signings included. The reaction is usually this:

It's boring. Avoid posting formations from the off.

4. Don't post copyright material or link to it

Only by combining Spuds with Elton John and George Michael could we achieve something as gay as this, but posting pictures and photos from the official site is forbidden. The same goes for posting links to Toon videos and goals as the footage is also copyright. Even posting links to isn't allowed. Like I said, it is gay:

However we have been threatened several times for it and have to abide by it. Everyone will have done it at one point but continuing to do it is highly irritating as it needs to be edited every time. Refrain.

5. Spud bashing is compulsory

There is not a set of fans anywhere in the world as deluded as the Spuds over on the Spud board on this very same network. Mocking them for their outrageous statements, stupidity, fickleness and general retardation is a must. You will be propa belta if you do and it will get you off on the right foot with everyone else. In fact, it would be even better if you went on their forum to take the piiiiss out of them on any topic such as Duff, mong ITKs, Goldfish, them being a small club, world class players continually snubbing them, etc.

This concludes my guide to Tyne Talk, more guidelines may be added at a later date. Until then fuuuck off and avoid being a mong

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