MARKS COLUMN - MAY 2004!

So that’s it. The season’s over. I’ve let the dust settle before writing this, and that’s quite deliberate. There was an awful lot of public commotion surrounding the last few games with the so-called lap of shame after the last home game against Wolves and the failure to qualify for the Champions League. If I had written this piece at that point I think the emotion of it all might have got the better of me. So I waited. And now I’m ready. Here it is. My “End of Season Review”. Stick with me. This might get nasty. 

 

I’ve said it a few times during the season. I’m extremely unhappy with a number of things going on at NUFC. Top to bottom. I’ll work my way up. First the players.

 

Shay Given: In the main, still excellent. I (along with Big Dougie, my North West Corner comrade) still get frustrated by some of his decision making, particularly when it comes to distribution, but overall I think I’d rather have him than any other right now.

 

Aaron Hughes: As always, committed, gives everything and a pretty decent, reliable performer. Sure his positional sense is not always the best, but then he isn’t a natural full back as I’ve been saying for the last few years. Oh if only NUFC would buy us a great right back then we could have Hughesie and Woodgate in the centre… I think this is going to remain my own personal pipe dream! Why it seems that I’m the only person who can remember Aaron Hughes playing as a great centre half for 3 or 4 years is beyond me…

 

Titus Bramble: Sorry lad. Not good enough. Bone crunching tackles often immense, but mistakes follow him around. There’s always a costly error less than 90 minutes away. Had enough chances. Time to sell for whatever you can get. Please Bobby. Stop this blind loyalty.

 

Jonathan Woodgate: Absolutely fantastic. When he plays…. Very worrying injury record. More of that later.

 

Andy O’Brien: Reliable, 100% player. Superb First Division player. Very good Premiership player. Out of his depth at the very top. Great to have in the squad, but oh for a bit of investment at right back…. (see above)

 

Olivier Bernard: Till the last 3 weeks of the season, my player of the year. Consistent, reliable, vastly improved. Often doing the work of two men on the left wing. Give this man the deal he wants, please.

 

Andy Griffin: Shame to see him go to Portsmouth. His appearance at Anfield on the last day of the season epitomised everything he is about. Solid. Tough tackler. OK not high quality all round, but never let us down when asked to do a job. Does his exit mean investment at right back is finally on its way?!? Good luck Andy.

 

Jermaine Jenas: Poor. Believed his own hype of last season. Games passed him by on a regular basis, and instead of being taken out of the firing line like most sensible managers would do with a young star who’s rise to stardom had temporarily hit the buffers, Bobby ploughed on with him week in, week out. Needs to buck his ideas up or be replaced. Sorry like. I said this might get nasty….

 

Gary Speed: Despite being regularly pilloried by some Toon fans, had a reasonable season. Especially as he was often doing the work of two in the middle of the park. Is becoming increasingly prone to distribution errors but is still a valuable member of the squad at this point.

 

Kieron Dyer: Yes ladies and gentleman, we now arrive at the other of my two favourite gripes with NUFC (the other being, naturally, Aaron Hughes’ waste at right back!) Kieron Dyer is a waste of a place in the team. Once again I pose the question: What does he actually do?!? Score goals? Next to never. Set up goals? Occasionally. Break up opposition moves with bone crunching tackles? Are you kidding me…. Run around a lot, often in circles and be praised for his engine? Oh well, fantastic, he does that… Would Arsene Wenger or Alex Ferguson stand for Ljundberg, Scholes, Bergkamp or Ronaldo playing every game yet scoring once a season?!? I mean, can you really see it? As manager I would accept any offer over £5-6 million. And that’s the truth.

 

Lauren Robert: If ever there was a definition of a season of two halves, I present Lauren Robert 2003-4. Regularly awesome pre-Christmas. Regularly awful post-Christmas. Who knows what goes on in this guy’s brain. But if I had a quid for every pulled-out-of-tackle or half-arsed jog in the direction of an opponent I’d be buying Freddie Shepherd out! His performance against Spurs in December was possibly one of the greatest individual displays I can remember from a Toon player, ever. His performance against Wolves in May would have had him on the plane back to France quicker than he could say “Alan Oliver” if I was the boss. I would accept any offer over £5 million.

 

Hugo Viana: Ah yes, our resident Euro wonderkid. All the top clubs in the continent wanted him, but he elected to come to SJP. For £9 million pounds. I seem to remember being quite impressed with him early on when he got his chances. Since then he has looked increasingly out of his depth. Alright so he often got played in his less preferred position of left wing, but even when he has appeared in the centre, he just doesn’t seem to want or be able to do the business. I’d accept offers over £4-5 million.

 

Lee Bowyer: Regular readers will know my feelings over the Bowyer signing by now. But I will say this. Despite my personal problems with accepting him wearing a Toon shirt, his performances this season (which to be fair have been less than regular) have ranged from poor to absolutely fantastic. Funnily enough, this range coincides with whether he was playing on the right wing or in the centre of midfield which he blatantly prefers. Any thoughts Bobby?…

 

Darren Ambrose: One for the future perhaps (not entirely convinced yet). But one to be played every game cos he has a “rocket” of a shot (quote SBR) I doubt very much indeed. The jury is still out.

 

Nobby Solano: Aye I know he doesn’t play for us anymore. But do you really think Villa would have been edging us out for the UEFA Cup spot going into the final day if we hadn’t sold them Solano? I think not… “Sound financial sense for Newcastle United” said Bobby on the day of the deal. “Utter, utter, patronising toss” said I.

 

Alan Shearer: Superb. Awesome. Fantastic. Captain supreme. Our true leader. The Lion of Gosforth. Heaven help us replace him.

 

Shola Ameobi: Looked very good at the end of the season, and does seem to have a talent for nicking goals. Long may this improvement continue. Good to have him around. But Shearer’s replacement he is not.

 

Craig Bellamy: Still worryingly injury prone. And despite the fact I have still adopted him as my fave player, starting to cause major concern as to whether he will ever be able to play a full season. When he returned to the team two thirds of the way through the season, he seemed to have finally added a clinical finish to his already well -established arsenal of blistering pace, excellent work rate and committed attitude. That excellent run of games was cruelly cut short again though at Villa Park and we are left with possibly more questions than answers.

 

 

Now for the backroom staff / managerial team.

 

Bobby Robson:

 

Dear Bobby

 

Your attitude this season has disappointed me. Your grouchy end of season rants about ungrateful fans were disgraceful. I am well aware that we were in the mire when you arrived, but that does not mean we have to accept this season’s performances and results. The fact is Sir, whether you like it or not, NUFC have taken several steps backwards this season. We are the proverbial country mile from challenging the top three. With some strategic investment this time last year, I am sure we could have at least replicated 3^rd place this time around. But no. We have scraped 5^th, had to fend off challenges from the mighty list of Birmingham, Charlton, Fulham, Aston Villa and (Lord have mercy) Bolton for European football. This is not me being ungrateful, I am stating facts. I compare your theory to somebody who earns £10,000 a year getting a pay rise and earning £20,000 a year for a couple of years only to be told, “No, actually, you are only going to earn £14,000 a year from now on. But you should still be grateful it’s more than ten grand!” Well yes, obviously it’s better than ten, but it’s not the twenty you had, is it!!!

 

Sorry Bobby. I would love you to retire gracefully now with our thanks, but I’ve got a feeling your stubbornness won’t let you, will it? You are going to continue to blindly stick with your fave players like Dyer, Bramble, Jenas, Viana, Ambrose and Robert aren’t you? When any other manager would listen to offers for them all. Just think what we could do with all that cash. Lord, if Birmingham can still seem to find cash for new players without the merest hint of European football, why can’t we when we “only” qualify for the UEFA Cup?!?

 

Stop patronising us with this “my way or the highway” attitude. Start producing results or retire.

 

Yours, gratefully, Mark Deeks.

 

 

The Physio department: Can someone please explain to me how a group of young men can suffer so many muscle injuries? Obviously you expect these things to occasionally occur. But Dyer, Woodgate, Bellamy, Jenas, Bowyer et al have all suffered more than one muscle strain this season. Something is not right here. It doesn’t seem to happen at other top clubs, so why here?

 

And finally, Freddie Shepherd.

 

Resign. Leave. Now. You are bleeding this club dry. Where is the money going? Stop promising the fans the earth with no intention of delivering. Don’t think that fans have forgotten your rants in a European brothel years ago about your supposed comrades in Geordie land. You’re a disgrace. 45,000 season ticket holders. A £12 million pay out from UEFA for qualifying for the second stage of the Champions League last year, consecutive top five finishes with the prize money that brings. A number of bit part players leaving the wage bill. The sales of Solano, Cort etc. And yet the sum total of our investment is Lee Bowyer on a free and £1 million for Darren Ambrose. Apparently we’re an ambitious, big club. Crap. Apparently we can’t spend cos we didn’t qualify for the Champions League. Tottenham seem to be finding some cash. As do Birmingham. Bolton never seem to stop trying to bring in players. Same goes for Boro. Any Champions League teams there? No.

 

If we are broke. For whatever reason that is, then JUST TELL THE FANS. Stop building us up. The facts are simple. Where has all that cash gone? If it’s finished buying the stadium, fine. If it’s paid for the training complex, OK. But if it’s going into your bank account via share options, pay rises, or anywhere else other than improving the fortunes of NUFC, then we have a right to know. I challenge you to explain yourself and the financial situation we find ourselves in. Come on Freddie. Or are you afraid we’ll set the Geordie (women) dogs on you?……

 

 

There you go. I didn’t promise it would be pleasant. I hope you enjoyed the ride of this season, and thanks for sticking by this column. The feedback I receive is much appreciated, whether we always agree or not!!!! Thanks to Matthew for keeping Tyne Talk going, and I hope to be invited back next year!

 

As always. Keep the faith. Have a good summer.

 

Rock

 

Mark

 

(P.S. Yes it was me on You’re On Sky Sports. Thanks to those who noticed!!!)

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