By Herman the Burglar
July 22 2006

For over a week now we've read the hilarious tales of the Spud fans attention seeking lunatics who are referred to as "ITK's" (in the Know's for the non geek) by the sorry band of gossip whores who lap up every shred of s*** these clowns come up with.

If they are to believed (if we ignore the fact they all contradict themseleves daily) Duff had his medical last week and was set so sign on Monday, of course this never happened.

Since then the "ITK's" have gone into "operation attempt to save face" and are putting into practice everything the Iraqi War Minister taught them. So now the "ITK's" claim "Spuds never talked to Duff", I thought he had his medical and was set to be unveiled on Monday?

Chelsea confirm Duff had permission to speak to all 3 clubs interested which also contradicts "operation attempt to save face." Then the "ITK's" are claiming things such as we outbid everyone by tabling £17m!!!

Do you think it wont be revealed you idiots? His agent is to blame as he only gets money off the profits from the first year. Yeah Duff is really more interested in what commission his agent gets than what is on offer to him and his career you warped fruitcakes.

All day yesterday we had to read the nonsense and absolute hilarious knee jerk reaction of the Spud fans once they realised Duff was about to do what Parker, Milner, Butt and many others have done recently, turned down the Spuds and shatter the image of their club. Only Spuds fans seem to think they're a big club, we don't, the players obviously don't, when will they realise what Everton did last Year? One top 5 finish does not make you the club you were when your dad was a kid, deal with it Spuds, stop with the conspiracy theories, stop stamping your feet and wake up.

Dont mention Goldfish, the greedy little phone lover came back from England duty wanting pay parity with messrs Carrick and Defoe, he's got it now and good riddance. You're labelled Tonka Toys Utd for a reason.

Now onto Liverpools late interest, for me as soon as Liverpool showed an interest I wasn't bothered, I knew he's get the same opportunities there as he would at Chelsea. They have Gonzales, Garcia, Kewell and Zenden who can play on the left and if Mourinho couldn't guarantee him 75% of games there is no way Rafa would and they certainly wouldn't match the wages.

I knew immediately that Duff would follow Viana, Bowyer, Shearer, Owen and Solano and spurn the advances of Liverpool to join us, much to the annoyance of the Mickey Mousers. So why has Duff joined Newcastle Utd?

He wanted to play more football, he will definitely play more football, box ticked.

He'll want a decent wage, box ticked.

He'll want to play for a big club, with big players and the facilities the top clubs have got, box ticked.

 It wont have gone unnoticed by Duff that although we had a shocking season thanks mainly to Souness and an unprecedented injury crisis to first team players, we still finished only 2 places below Spuds and their best ever Premier League season.

Then finally, us, the clubs greatest asset, as long as we continue to put bums on seats, that Fat Chairman of ours we so love to hate, can continue to do the only thing he has consistently done right and thats to back our Manager with funds, which means we're still an attractive proposition.

Finally, I'm also pretty damn sure the atmosphere on the final day of the season will have been mentioned at one point and I bet he shares the same thoughts as Joe Cole (educate yourselves Spuds, its on the public domain). Get over it you bitter, twisted fools, stop believing the attention seeking window lickers that know f*** all more than you or I and ask yourselves why does nobody see your club in the light you do? The players continue to see our club in the light we do, funny that eh?