By Curve Ball
October 17 2002

This week Curve Ball Discusses Dundee Derbys after a Discussion with a Glasgow Celtic Supporter where Curve Ball told him he would Rather have beat United than Beat Celtic at Parkhead was he correct in saying this?

The best derby game in the world.

Not so long ago I was at a night-out and got talking to a Celtic fan at the bar. When he found out that I was a Dundee supporter he asked me if I was aware of the fact that Dundee were the only Scottish side to have beaten Celtic at Parkhead since the arrival of Martin O’Neill. I remember saying something like ‘Yeah, that’s right. Pity it hadn’t been United though.’ This astonished my Celtic companion and for the rest of the evening he continued to shake his head at the thought of me being prepared to willingly exchange a win against the mighty Celtic at Parkhead for a victory against United……… any victory in fact………….. and anywhere. I suppose that I could try to explain his amazement by suggesting that he was ignorant in either the nice sense or the piggy sense. The former indicating simply his lack of knowledge of the intensity of the rivalry in Dundee, the latter suggesting him to be one of those Old Firm ba’heids who can see no further than either Celtic or Rangers. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I’ll say that he fell into the first category. He did buy a round after all.

Of course, he’s not the only Old Firm fan that I’ve talked to over the years that has held that particular point of view. They simply can’t understand what there is to get excited about in a Dundee derby and probably also have that same view of all other Scottish derbies. The thing is that the Edinburgh derby is quite emphatically the important football event of the season for Hibs and Hearts fans. Similarly, the Ayrshire derby has come more to the fore in recent seasons with Ayr and Killie being drawn in the cup competitions. For Ayr fans, victories over their county rivals has virtually made their last two seasons. In contrast, the Killie supporters were clearly shattered by the cup defeats at Somerset Park. So how could my green-and-white drinking partner and so many of his OF mates imagine that there is so little passion for derby games outwith Glasgow?

Well, a big part of the reason is down to the attitude of the Scottish football press who appear to see things only in green and blue. If you doubt me, here’s an example. A couple of years ago on the day after a truly thrilling 2-2 derby match at Dens, I read a match report in a national broadsheet which was so dismissive of the match it was as if the teams were part of a pub league. The writer started his piece with a condescending sneer toward Barry Smith who had been interviewed pre-match on Radio Scotland and had stated his view that the Dundee derby was the best in the country. He continued in this way for the entire opening paragraph. I recollect being amazed that not only had he written this tripe but that the sub-ed had allowed it!! The rest of the report more or less condemned everything about the match from the facilities, to the fans, to the standard of play. Yet we had seen a good game with skill, effort and goals from both sides.

I think it was two weeks later that the OF game was played and finished 1-0 to one or the other. ITV broadcast the match. It was played at a terrific pace but it was dreary in that the players were not good enough to play at that speed and so passes were misplaced all over the pitch. The commentators did their best to sell it as an ‘experience’ but to be honest the game was beyond rescue. How wrong could I be………

On Monday morning I read the match report that had been written by the same sports journalist who had penned the piece on the Dundee derby. His opinion………………….. well, how many superlatives can I fit in here? According to him, the game was both a spectacle and a struggle. It was also a triumph and a tragedy. Shankly was misquoted again in regard to life and death and even R.L. Stevenson was brought out for inspiration………………….. what a load of krap!! The truth was that the game was not exciting except perhaps for the Old Firm fans. Any impartial person could see that. Even so, the football press were not prepared to see it that way. It was Rangers V Celtic, the greatest derby in the world so it was a great game period.

Another part of the reason for OF fans’ ignorance of football outside of Glasgow is due to the intensity of the OF rivalry. It is so all-consuming it obliterates all else. Consequently, it creates small-mindedness. That is to say, the protagonists are so focused on one another that they don’t see anything else or very little of whatever else is taking place. This in turn causes the defensiveness that is often apparent in OF fans. So many of them become so deeply attached to their club that they cannot accept any criticism of the club. It is interpreted as a personal attack. You can see the type of guys I’m talking about anytime the OF visit. Always wearing an OF top no matter the weather and sometimes bare-chested – the blokes too - they are the noisiest fans, the empty vessels if you like. I sometimes wonder if they know where they are at any given moment in time let alone have any knowledge of the club that their team is about to play.

It seems fairly evident then that the media and their own rivalry are the main reasons why so many OF fans are so ignorant of the views of supporters of other clubs. In my opinion, the press are more at fault. They could have done more over the years to educate OF fans but ignored this in favour of pandering to them. Thus the old press chestnut about Hearts fans is constantly rolled out – that they are really Rangers fans that can’t afford the bus fare. On the other hand, no football reporter to my knowledge has informed its readers that the Edinburgh derby pre-dates the OF derby by a number of years and that Edinburgh is the capital city of Scotland - which makes all Glasgow football clubs just as provincial as the rest of us.

In fairness, I should add that a further reason may well be that most OF fans now realise that both clubs are so big that no other Scottish club is able to present a credible threat to them. The point being that no competition = no stimulation i.e. that OF fans only get turned on when they come up against one another. This isn’t just theory you know, I’ve got the proof. At the night-out where I met my Celtic-supporting drinking buddy he got the hots for this single young lady from another table. Naturally, he followed this up and before long the two of them were entwined on the dance floor. Ah dear, if only he’d asked me first. Her father was a Mason and she had a season-ticket for Ibrox.

Case closed - opposites do attract.