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Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Discussion started by Padre Pio , 12 March, 2020 16:12
Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 12 March, 2020 16:12
No point in not cheering ourselves up in the crisis. Saw this on Twitter:

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
SA-Gunner 12 March, 2020 22:02
Quote:
Padre Pio
No point in not cheering ourselves up in the crisis. Saw this on Twitter:
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

If that's the best joke that has come out so far out of this crisis, then I'm afraid we're indeed marked for apocalypse.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 12 March, 2020 22:49
Celine Dion has just cracked that Wenger wouldn’t have got the corona virus. Made me laugh.



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 13 March, 2020 00:11
At least we shan't concede saturday.



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 13 March, 2020 00:29
Yes and we will still have unbeaten run in the Premiership for 2020



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 13 March, 2020 07:14
Quote:
Boston Gooner
At least we shan't concede saturday.
Two clean sheets this week then, City failed to put one past us.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Flava 13 March, 2020 07:23
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
Boston Gooner
At least we shan't concede saturday.
Two clean sheets this week then, City failed to put one past us.

(Sm128)

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
AJ The Gunner 13 March, 2020 07:53
This virus has started scaring the hell out of me. In Nigeria we have an incompetent government that lies like hell is not real. How can we trust them to be honest? Now I heard someone in Abuja where I stay has tested positive and my office is at the airport.



Wenger Is Gone Now So Can We Be Allowed To Breathe Now???

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
BootyDaddy 13 March, 2020 09:04
I highly doubt there's an honest government anywhere in the world.



Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 13 March, 2020 09:19
Quote:
AJ The Gunner
This virus has started scaring the hell out of me. In Nigeria we have an incompetent government that lies like hell is not real. How can we trust them to be honest? Now I heard someone in Abuja where I stay has tested positive and my office is at the airport.
I too am worried now, living in the UK. It all seemed so distant when it was in China, now it's too close for comfort. I'm worried about my sister, she has severe asthma and had cancer at the end of last year, completing radiotherapy just before Christmas. Does that make her immune system lower? She doesn't work, but her husband does and she is still going out.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 13 March, 2020 09:35
Stay safe AJ. Our govt is incompetent too or maybe corrupt as it doesnt want to take any serious measures to stop this spreading.

Quote: I'm worried about my sister, she has severe asthma and had cancer at the end of last year, completing radiotherapy just before Christmas. Does that make her immune system lower? She doesn't work, but her husband does and she is still going out.

She needs to stay in UK is now a risky place, does she have to go out?



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 13 March, 2020 09:40
Quote:
Padre Pio
Stay safe AJ. Our govt is incompetent too or maybe corrupt as it doesnt want to take any serious measures to stop this spreading.
Quote: I'm worried about my sister, she has severe asthma and had cancer at the end of last year, completing radiotherapy just before Christmas. Does that make her immune system lower? She doesn't work, but her husband does and she is still going out.

She needs to stay in UK is now a risky place, does she have to go out?
No, she doesn't, but she's one of those people the more you tell her not to do something, she'll do the opposite! So I say nothing.

I've lisentened to several people sahying why we shouldn't take the same lock-down measures as other conntries and it does seem to make sense. Only time will tell on that one.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 13/03/2020 09:42 by goonerred.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 13 March, 2020 10:03
Social distancing seemed to work in China, doing it too late has been disasterous in Italy, also Spain serious now.
We are a couple of weeks behind Italy



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
AJ The Gunner 13 March, 2020 10:23
Quote:
goonerred
I too am worried now, living in the UK. It all seemed so distant when it was in China, now it's too close for comfort. I'm worried about my sister, she has severe asthma and had cancer at the end of last year, completing radiotherapy just before Christmas. Does that make her immune system lower? She doesn't work, but her husband does and she is still going out.

Praying for your sister🙏🏿

Please let's all try to stay safe.
This plague is escalating at an alarming speed.

Wife of Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau tests positive for coronavirus

I doubt the league can continue.



Wenger Is Gone Now So Can We Be Allowed To Breathe Now???

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 13 March, 2020 10:25
Quote:
AJ The Gunner
Quote:
goonerred
I too am worried now, living in the UK. It all seemed so distant when it was in China, now it's too close for comfort. I'm worried about my sister, she has severe asthma and had cancer at the end of last year, completing radiotherapy just before Christmas. Does that make her immune system lower? She doesn't work, but her husband does and she is still going out.

Praying for your sister🙏🏿

Please let's all try to stay safe.
This plague is escalating at an alarming speed.

Wife of Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau tests positive for coronavirus

I doubt the league can continue.
She is a Christian so she would appreciate that, thanks.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 13/03/2020 10:26 by goonerred.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
BootyDaddy 13 March, 2020 12:51
Breaking News ..... The RB Leipzig goalkeeper who played Tuesday night against Spurs has tested positive for the Corona Virus. Spurs players have been advised not to self isolate however as they didn't get anywhere remotely near him.



Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 13 March, 2020 12:53
Quote:
BootyDaddy
Breaking News ..... The RB Leipzig goalkeeper who played Tuesday night against Spurs has tested positive for the Corona Virus. Spurs players have been advised not to self isolate however as they didn't get anywhere remotely near him.
[:wor kid:]Best joke so far.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 13 March, 2020 13:07
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
BootyDaddy
Breaking News ..... The RB Leipzig goalkeeper who played Tuesday night against Spurs has tested positive for the Corona Virus. Spurs players have been advised not to self isolate however as they didn't get anywhere remotely near him.
[:wor kid:]Best joke so far.
(Sm22)



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 13 March, 2020 14:04
Quote:
Padre Pio
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
BootyDaddy
Breaking News ..... The RB Leipzig goalkeeper who played Tuesday night against Spurs has tested positive for the Corona Virus. Spurs players have been advised not to self isolate however as they didn't get anywhere remotely near him.
[:wor kid:]Best joke so far.
(Sm22)

Brill 😂😂😂



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Ares 13 March, 2020 19:37
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ZING!

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 14 March, 2020 23:43
The Coronavirus won't last long because it was made in china.



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 15 March, 2020 09:03
Quote:
Boston Gooner
The Coronavirus won't last long because it was made in china.
True, but the tat gets everywhere and lingers.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 15 March, 2020 10:44
Things are so bad here with bog roll shortage one person was wiping @#$%& with lettuce leaves.
They said it was the tip of an iceberg



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 15 March, 2020 10:47
Quote:
Padre Pio
Things are so bad here with bog roll shortage one person was wiping @#$%& with lettuce leaves.
They said it was the tip of an iceberg
'bum' bum'

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 15 March, 2020 11:23
(Sm22)



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 15 March, 2020 14:27
How to save on Toilet Paper



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 15/03/2020 14:29 by Padre Pio.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Shane 15 March, 2020 14:35
What's the difference between Flava and the coronavirus? This isn't a joke I genuinely want to know.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
BootyDaddy 15 March, 2020 23:07
I didn’t know what to do with myself after football was cancelled for a month due to the Corona Virus. However I found a woman sitting on my sofa today and started talking to her. Apparently she is my wife and seems nice.



Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 15 March, 2020 23:16
Quote:
BootyDaddy
I didn’t know what to do with myself after football was cancelled for a month due to the Corona Virus. However I found a woman sitting on my sofa today and started talking to her. Apparently she is my wife and seems nice.

(Sm22)

I thought Christmas day without football was bad enough but this weekend has been horrid.
And it isn't going to get better.

It will be interesting what Sky & Bt offer customers like myself.
At the moment they are saying the games are only postponed and will be shown later.
If the season happens to be written off they are in big problems with customers cancelling subscriptions.



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
weedz 15 March, 2020 23:43
Lonely man with Corona disease seeks lady with Lymes disease.



Self sustainable is a word that rich people with short arms and deep pockets use.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 16 March, 2020 06:51
Quote:
BootyDaddy
I didn’t know what to do with myself after football was cancelled for a month due to the Corona Virus. However I found a woman sitting on my sofa today and started talking to her. Apparently she is my wife and seems nice.

I got roped into doing DIY jobs and, to my horror, cleaning!!!!! I think my husband was happy that I could actually talk to him and not be swearing at the telly. He seems quite nice too.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
CazOnARola 16 March, 2020 07:23
Quote:
Padre Pio
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
BootyDaddy
Breaking News ..... The RB Leipzig goalkeeper who played Tuesday night against Spurs has tested positive for the Corona Virus. Spurs players have been advised not to self isolate however as they didn't get anywhere remotely near him.
[:wor kid:]Best joke so far.
(Sm22)
😂

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
BootyDaddy 16 March, 2020 09:22
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
BootyDaddy
I didn’t know what to do with myself after football was cancelled for a month due to the Corona Virus. However I found a woman sitting on my sofa today and started talking to her. Apparently she is my wife and seems nice.

I got roped into doing DIY jobs and, to my horror, cleaning!!!!! I think my husband was happy that I could actually talk to him and not be swearing at the telly. He seems quite nice too.

Can things get any worse? My wife has just informed me she was made redundant from Woolworth's as well. That's come as a terrible shock.



Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 16 March, 2020 09:45
Quote:
BootyDaddy
Quote:
goonerred
Quote:
BootyDaddy
I didn’t know what to do with myself after football was cancelled for a month due to the Corona Virus. However I found a woman sitting on my sofa today and started talking to her. Apparently she is my wife and seems nice.

I got roped into doing DIY jobs and, to my horror, cleaning!!!!! I think my husband was happy that I could actually talk to him and not be swearing at the telly. He seems quite nice too.

Can things get any worse? My wife has just informed me she was made redundant from Woolworth's as well. That's come as a terrible shock.

(Sm22)



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 16 March, 2020 12:51
Eureka!! Got it the funniest yet - very subtle though

Owl and the @#$%& Cat



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
plonky 18 March, 2020 12:42
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY

YOU CAN SAVE HUMANITY

BY SITTING AT HOME AND DOING NOTHING


DON'T FECK IT UP!!

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 18 March, 2020 16:41
Johnson doing his best



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
tigerline 19 March, 2020 10:46
Quote:
Padre Pio
Johnson doing his best

I share your pain ... even though I would trust your fool more than our orange fool.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 20 March, 2020 14:07
Mildly amusing video



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Merlion96 25 March, 2020 15:11
9.00am - WHO Spokesperson: "There 3 confirmed cases in North Korea".

9.17am - North Korean Foreign Minister Spokesperson: "There are no coronavirus case in North Korea."

9.22am - Donald Trump's confirmation: "That is no fake news. My good friend Kim joked that he had them shot at 9.15am."



Nihilism: 'An examination of the meaning of meaninglessness: why it matters that nothing matters'

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
goonerred 25 March, 2020 15:57
I've been sorting out my kitchen cupboards, moving everything 2cm apart - we've all got to shelf-isolate now.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 25 March, 2020 17:18
Quote:
goonerred
I've been sorting out my kitchen cupboards, moving everything 2cm apart - we've all got to shelf-isolate now.
That will be in Xmas Crackers in years to come



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
BootyDaddy 26 March, 2020 12:50
Prince Charles is now self isolating with Covid-19.

Prince Andrew is also self isolating with Jennifer-14.



Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Padre Pio 27 March, 2020 14:31
Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"



- until Wenger moves on, they'll always be the also-rans in the major competitions. A club in elite purgatory. Always good enough to make it to the big race, never fast or smart enough to push over the finish line in first place. That's all about the manager. Until he changes, Arsenal fans will continue to celebrate glorious failure.

Re: Best jokes of the Covid - 19 Crisis
Boston Gooner 27 March, 2020 15:04
(Sm22)



https://i.postimg.cc/dtJGMW0K/roastspurs.gif


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