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Newcastle fans going through the mill

By Clarence Rode January 16 2008
In a new feature on Poolsonline, regular contributor Steff Jelling takes a look at the weird and whacky world of football from the unique perspective of a Hartlepool United fan. Steff will be writing an article when he feels like it, when their lass isn’t pestering him to go to Tesco and when there’s something to write about. He kicks-off with a look at life for our neighbours in Newcastle:

It makes a change for Newcastle fans to have the p*ss taken out of them instead of them taking the p*ss out of other clubs.
Over the years they have been particularly fond of poking fun at their North East neighbours Sunderland, of course, and have also had their day with the region’s other Premiership team, boring Bore-o.
And when they’ve grown tired of ragging those two, they’ve occasionally had a go at patronising and looking down on two more of their neighbours, Hartlepool and Darlington.
zebras Well, here’s a message for the Geordies (seen right having a drink at Shearer's Bar): it’s time for you to lose your superiority complex.
The boot is on the other foot now, isn’t it? You might have a new owner who wears a replica shirt instead of a suit and sits with the riff raff behind the goal, but he’s no better at knowing when to sack a manager than the last lot.
And your first choice as Stan Alderdyce’s replacement, Henry Redcrap, has had the nerve to turn you down. Fancy that, eh, a bloke who actually doesn’t want to manage Newcastle.
If he’s got any sense, second choice Clark Bewes, will turn you down as well. His big ambition is to manage Melchester Delighted, and he’ll never get that job if he goes to St Joseph’s Park and ruins his reputation like so many of his predecessors have.
So that leaves you with Alvin Schindler, a Geordie folk hero because he could play a bit, but with no managerial experience at all. And now he's been told he's not on the shortlist because of that.
He might have been able to hammer in a penalty, but can he negotiate a wage package and can he handle players who go out and get p*ssed on the Quayside when they should be at home in bed?
So what’s it like to be a laughing stock now, eh? No Kelvin Coogan to take you close to winning something now, unless he comes out of semi-retirement again, just a team that was lucky Manchester United only played in the second half last weekend. If they’d played in both, it might have been 12.
The Mighty Mags? You’re having a laugh.
No, sorry … we’re having a laugh.”

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