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Norwich Jokes (Updated again)


By Simon (IpswichFanGoneNuts) and Aston
February 3 2007

STB is proud to bring you selection of jokes with Norwich City and there fans at the butt of them, enjoy.

A boy standing in the back garden says,

''Mum why is my Norwich Top lying on the grass?''

His Mum looks out and shouts,

'' The thieving @#$%& have took my pegs!''

 


David Marshall is ill so Bryan Gunn offers to go shopping for him. While in the local supermarket he bumps into Jim Magilton. "Hello Bryan, what are you doing here ?" "Im getting a bag of Potatoes for David Marshall"  "Sounds like a fair swap to me."


The FA had to step in to prevent Norwich’s latest sponsorship deal. They signed a mega new contract with the pet-food firm 'Spillers'. An FA spokesman said that it would be fraud to have Norwich players with "Winnalot" on their shirts!


A Norwich fan visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are.
"You can pick as many as you like for a fiver", he is told.
"Great" he replies "I'll have a tenners worth"


Apparently, Delia Smith offered to send the norwich squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida, but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.


A reporter from Anglia News is interviewing Bryan Gunn and Jim Magilton. He first asks Nigel what his long term plans for Norwich are.
Bryan replies "Well, I see us becoming a good, average premier league team, who don't even get involved in relegation issues."
The reporter then puts the same question to Jim Magilton, who answers "I think that, once we secure promotion, we will be able to mount a successful challenge to the premier league title. After that probably the FA cup and possibly the Carling Cup."
"Don't you think that's a little bit over-optimistic, Jim?" asks the interviewer.
To which Jim replies "Well, Bryan started it!"


Two Norwich fans are walking along the street. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke!"
The second one picks it up, looks into the mirror and says "Of course you do, you idiot - its me!"


A Norwich fan was drinking in a Ipswich pub when the bartender came over to tell him he had a telephone call. The Norwich fan had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote little sign and left it by his beer that said: "I spat in my beer."
When he returned to the his bar stool 2 minutes later, there was another note beside his beer:
"I spat in your beer too!"


How do we know Jesus didn't come from Norwich?
Because in Norwich we couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!


A Norwich fan was shopping in the local supermarket. He picked up a tin of soup for one, a small pizza and one pint of milk. He went to the check out to pay for his goods. The check out girl asked him "Are you single?"
The Norwich fan replied "Yes I am. Did you guess from the food I'm buying?"
"No," the check out girl replied. "Your ugly!"


A Ipswich van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Norwich fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous green and yellow colours. He would swerve to hit them, there would be a loud "THUD" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a lift! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.
Suddenly the driver saw a Norwich fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the Norwich fan. However even though he was certain he missed the Norwich fan, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Norwich fan," "That's okay" replied the priest. "I got him with the door"


A primary teacher starts a new job in Norfolk (yes they have schools) and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Norwich fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Norwich fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: “Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Norwich fan miss," she replies.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: “Well, if you're not a Norwich fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a Ipswich Town fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. “Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Ipswich fan?“
"Because my mum and dad are from Ipswich, and my mum is a Town fan, my dad is a Town fan, so I'm a Town fan too!“ “Well,“ said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, “that's no reason for you to be a Ipswich fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time! What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief? What would you be then?“
"Then,“ Mary smiled, “I'd be a Norwich fan..."


What is the difference between a Norwich Fan and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.


What do you have when 100 Norwich Fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.


What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Norwich Fan in the Road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.


Bryan Gunn was out shopping one day, in Castle Mall Shopping Centre (no, really, they have shops), when he saw an old lady struggling with her shopping.
Bryan: "Can you manage, luv?"
Lady: "Up yours Peter! You took the job, you're stuck with it!"


A smart Norwich fan, a stupid Norwich and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?
The stupid Norwich fan because the other two don't exist.


Three Norwich fans received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy."

 

"I agree. We'll grab her..." said the second.

"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

 


Why did the Norwich fan climb over the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side!


What do you do if a Norwich fan throws a pin at you?
Run - he’s is still holding the grenade!


Why did the Norwich fan tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
he didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!


Why did the Norwich fan stare at the orange juice carton?
It said "concentrate" on it!


Did you hear about the Norwich fan who was tap dancer?
he fell in the sink!


What do you call a Norwich fan with two brain cells?

Pregnant!


What do you call 100 Norwich fans standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!


Why did the Norwich fan cross the road?
I don't know. Neither did he!


What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A parade in Norwich!


What do you do when a Norwich fan throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!


What do you call a Norwich fan with a girlfriend?
A Shepherd!


How did the Naaridge fan find his sister in the woods?
Just Fine!!


What's the difference between a Norwich fan and a Kit Kat?
You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.


Why do Norwich girls wear knickers?
to keep their ankle warm!


Lee Croft:" Peter 'I've just had a good idea for strengthening the team."
Gunn: "Good! When are you leaving?"


They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full
Norwich haven't even seen the cup


What have Norwich and a three pin plug got in common?
They'd both be useless in Europe.


What’s the difference between David Marshall and a taxi driver ?The taxi driver can only let 2 in.


What do you say to an Norwich fan with a job?

Can I have a Big Mac, Please.


 

Richard Branson was going to Sponsor Norwich city. But the Norwich Board decided against the move to have Virgin written across the shirts, "because they are getting f**ked every week".


Norwich manager Bryan Gunn walked into the Norwich & Peterborough Building Society one day whilst a robbery was in progress. One of the robbers hit him over the head and knocked Gunn out. Whilst coming around, Gunn said “Christ, where the hell am I” One of the staff told him he was in League 1..  

Gunn replied – “It's May already then!”


Apparently, Norwich City FC is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.  - they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.


A Norwich fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the Norwich fan. However, whenever he approaches a sheep the dog growls in a threatening manner.  The Norwich fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The Norwich fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.  By now, the Norwich fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.  She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The Norwich fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?

 

 


STB-online.co.uk would like to point out we do not condone violence against Norwich fans, if you have any complaints about these jokes leave them on the message board.

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