Boro played a five man midfield in the hope of containing Liverpool's superstars, with George Boateng, Fabio Rochemback and Lee Cattermole the anchors at the heart of midfield. James Morrison got a rare start on the right (after returning from suspension) whilst Stewart Downing took his usual place on the left.

Yakubu was Boro's only striker, with Mark Viduka on the bench should we need him.

Schwarzer, Davies, Woodgate, Pogatetz, Taylor, Boateng, Morrison (Viduka 66), Cattermole (Johnson 81), Rochemback, Downing, Yakubu, Jones, Riggott, Lee

THE FIRST HALF

Boro started brightly - with Morrison, Yakubu and the offside flag combining in a flowing move that ended in, erm, the offside flag being raised. Curse that pesky assistant referee.

On the stroke of the second minute Yakubu got the ball on the right hand side and tangoed past a few Liverpool defenders. He then foxtrotted his way towards the penalty box before flamingoing his shot over the bar from twenty-five yards. It was like he was "Dancing On Ice ", but where he tried his hardest only to get a score of six and a stern dressing-down from the judges.

In the eighth minute Jermain Pennant tried to emulate Yakubu by launching a shot at Schwarzer's goal from a similar distance. The ball cannoned off the Boat as Boro were left all at sea by the move. Indeed, it was starting to resemble a re-enactment of the Defeating of the Spanish Armada only with less seamen and poorer collars.

On twelve Middlesbrough were blocking more than saturated fat in an obese man's arteries as first Pogatetz then Woodgate were called into preventing powerful shots from Peter Crouch and John Arne Riise reaching the target. It probably hurt. But then they do get paid enough.

Liverpool's slow build up was calculating but it did not make for enjoyable viewing. A succession of corners is all they could really muster as Boro's defence absorbed their pressure like a panty-liner - with Pogatetz, Woodgate and Lee Cattermole holding the fort through a comfortable fit.

Steven Gerrard had been poor thus far but no doubt the press would say he was magnificent. Speaking of which former Boro and current England manager was in the crowd probably rating this Boro defensive performance as "magnificent". Which indeed it was - containing Liverpool like a carton contains milk. Or a little plastic pot contains a sperm sample.

Boro's comfort was highlighted by Riise's twenty-fourth minute shot - a high and wide effort from thirty yards out. However Liverpool were slowing starting to apply the pressure, relentlessly coming at the Boro backline. But Boro's defence was as dogged as a dog in a dog costume and they held firm.

There was danger on twenty-seven however as Pennant, who had caused Boro the most problems this game, did his best Yakubu impression and started dancing on the pitch. He danced by a few Boro defenders and crossed the ball to Mohamed Sissoko who fluffed his shot from twelve yards.

Liverpool were having more corners than the Müller factory - but none of them were particularly fruity or crunchy. In fact most of them were poor - the milk curdled, the fruit rotten, the price exorbitant. Schwarzer, meanwhile, had not yet been tested, with Boro's 4-5-1 formation soaking up far more than the standard kitchen towelette. And surely that would help grab the Bounty for Boro.

With oblique pirate references in my head I thought of the days of Liverpool as the hub of England's economy. A busy sea port based on the slave trade it grew rich in the seventeenth century and at one point was the jewel in England's crown. Now, that jewel has been nicked (well, it got relocated to Wigan Athletic) but with Liverpool being named 2008 European Capital of Culture, the boom is back. I suggest visiting. (This advert wasn't brought to you by the Liverpool Tourist Board - but it could have been - had I asked them).

Boro's first shot came on thirty-eight, and from an unlikely source. Rochemback strode towards the box like a gazelle on heat and launched a shot towards Jose Reina's goal. It went wide, with Rocky possibly being distracted with Yakubu's screaming at him in the hope he would pass it. He didn't. But it was the best chance of the game.

On forty the player in the Premiership whose name sounds most like a cheese - Javier Mascherano - had a tame shot that Schwarzer comfortably collected. A minute later Pennant lay the ball on a plate to Sissoko but he made a hash of it - presenting the Liverpool fans with a corned beef concoction rather than the goal they desired. It was still tasty though.

Unlike this game, which was as tepid as a coffee from a motorway service station. The whistle couldn't come soon enough but Boro had dug in and defended superbly. Attacking-wise we had done nothing but defensively we were resolute. It had been a game of few chances.

THE SECOND HALF

Gerrard had evidently woken up at halftime as on forty-nine he presented the first decent move of the second half. He passed to Pennant, who in turn passed to Crouch before Pogatetz got a block on it, conceding a corner. The resulting Zenden set-play presented an opportunity for Mascherano that Morrison cleared from under his own crossbar.

Sissoko's substitution with Dirk Kyut demonstrated Liverpool's attacking intent as Boro were still under the proverbial cosh. However Rochemback managed to break for the away side, forcing a difficult catch out of Jose Reina. A minute later Yakubu flopped in the box in an attempt to win a soft penalty whilst a further two minutes elapsed before a weak Rochemback shot was collected by Reina.

On fifty-five Liverpool switched play and stretched the Boro backline. A diagonal ball fell to Riise who tried to cut in before succumbing to a challenge from Woodgate. The ball fell to ex-Boro long-haired starlet Bolo Zenden who managed to blast the ball over the bar, much to the jeers of the travelling army.

It took some magic to break Boro's resolve and inevitably, Steven Gerrard provided it. The ball was played across to Zenden from the left hand side, who in turn passed it to the Liverpool skipper. Rochemback's lumbering allowed him to take a touch before he rifled the ball beyond Schwarzer.

LIVERPOOL 1 (Gerrard, 57) MIDDLESBROUGH 0

Full of confidence, Liverpool streamed out of their half like cream oozing from a particularly poorly formed cream cake. Two minutes later Riise had a shot that narrowly went wide, much to the oohs and aahs of the home faithful. It was like a firework display with no fireworks - or a demonstration of that magical motion machine that runs without horses.

Kuyt had added the fizz to Liverpool's flat champagne as Andrew Davies was forced into conceding a corner. From the set-play, the ball broke to Daniel Agger who found himself in space. It was very much a case of what will Agger do (doo, doo), but sadly he didn't push pineapple up a tree, opting to run into Kyut instead.

Boro were clearly rattled and this was demonstrated on sixty-three when they conceded a penalty when Peter Crouch was tugged down by Andrew Davies as he attempted to reach a Pennant cross. Steven Gerrard took the set-piece in front of the Kop. The finish was powerful and precise, with Schwarzer going to the right and the ball to the left. Boro were out of the game.

LIVERPOOL 2 (Gerrard (pen), 63) MIDDLESBROUGH 0

Boro belatedly switched to a 4-4-2 formation as Mark Viduka was introduced to the fray. James Morrison made way. It did little to improve Boro's form - being tested by Liverpool's excellent switch play. The ball came in diagonally from the right as Gerrard cushioned the ball down to Zenden. His shot was deflected by Kuyt wide as Liverpool threatened to score a third.

On seventy-one Yakubu and Viduka linked up for the first time this evening with a cushioned header from the former falling into the path of the latter. Unfortunately Reina read the situation and comfortably gathered - like a curious squirrel collecting nuts for the winter. Except hopefully Reina wasn't going to eat the football or hibernate for three months (although with the lack of action around his goal, he might as well have done).

On seventy-five Yakubu had a little trickle that Reina mopped up easily. It was from twelve yards out and somewhat embarrassing but with Boro's lack of shots - what else was there to report?

On eighty-one Lee Cattermole made way for Adam Johnson - in the hope that Boro's pressure could be converted into something more cutting. Not even the most acerbic wit in a scissor factory would have sufficed but it did almost have an immediate effect (had Stewart Downing not hit his left foot shot drastically over the bar). Still with the potential of Dong-Gook Lee coming on for the final four minutes - the points were clearly in the bag for Liverpool.

On eighty-five Pennant terrorised the Boro once more, setting up a comedy moment that involved Crouch slicing through the air around the penalty spot. But with Boro's reputation it was clear we could be the better fluffers as a minute later, Rochemback, with his back to goal seemed to try and score an own goal for no apparent reason from thirty yards out.

On eighty-seven, a Reina distribution was headed on by Kyut. The ball fell to Crouch who hit the ball sweet as a coconut covered in chocolate that tastes you to paradise in an advert that was probably filmed in a public fountain in Dorking. From thirty yards out. Schwarzer gathered.

Downing raced on to a loose ball on eighty-nine but Reina was up to the relatively simple challenge. This was hardly the Krypton Factor. At the other end, the ball was crossed to Crouch who was prevented from scoring due to an Andrew Taylor distraction. What he did remains a mystery - suffice to say it worked as the England striker should have scored.

And that was pretty much that. The problem with a defensive formation is that once the opposition score, you are in trouble. Liverpool were the better side in the second half and in all honesty Middlesbrough were never going to win this one. It could have been three or four at the end but by then it was too late. At least the performance was better after the Villa debacle. Roll on United.

FULL TIME FAN REACTION

"Oh well, at least it's over and done with"
Lillibet M

"Same old rubbish - different day"
Deeno

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