Jokes about Airdrie



Iraqi Information Minister ' Comical Ali ' who is well known for talking balls !!!


The Fire brigade phone Jim Ballantyne in the early hours of Sunday morning...

" Mr Ballantyne sir, Broomfield is on fire! "
" The cups man! Save the cups! " cries Jim.
" What ?, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir. "



You're trapped in a room with a Grizzly Bear, a deadly Rattlesnake, and an Airdrie Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?


Shoot the Airdrie Fan. Twice.




What do you call a dead Airdrie Fan in a closet?

Last years winner to the hide and seek contest.




Apparently, Jim Ballantyne offered to send the Airdrie squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.




Sandy Stewart was caught speeding on the way to New Broomfield today. When questiond he said "I'll do anything for 3 points"




Knock knock
Who's there?
Airdrie United
Airdrie United who ? Don't you mean Clydebank ?






How many Airdrie fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Yeah, like they have electricity in Airdrie.




Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Scotland win the World Cup? ". God Replies, "In the next five years " " But I'll be dead by then", says the man. The second one asks, " Oh Lord, when will Celtic next win the European Cup? ". The Good Lord answers, " In the next ten years ". "But I'll be dead by then ", says the man. The third one asks, " Oh Lord, when will Airdrie win promotion to the Premier League? ". God Answers," I'll be dead by then! "




Rangers Jokes




A Rangers scout returns from Bosnia raving about a new teenage superstar he's seen in the war torn country. Alex McCleish is convinced and is so desperate for no one else to snatch him up that he signs the boy without looking at him for himself.

The boy arrives in Glasgow for Saturday's game, and is on the bench. With ten minutes to go Mols gets injured and is stretchered off. McCleish points to the new Bosnian boy: "This is your big chance, son. Go out there and do the business for us". The lad strips off his shell suit and takes to the pitch. In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat trick. The crowd goes mad.

After the game McCleish gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room."Great performance son. Go and give your parents a ring at home. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office.

The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his mum. " Mum, I've just had the best debut; I scored a hat-trick!...you don't sound very happy though; why are you crying? Is everything okay? " " No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been shot and the house has been burnt to the ground." " God, mum, that's terrible, I'm really sorry " " So you should be. It was your idea for all of us to move to Govan! "





' Comical Ali '




What's the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?

Their both useless in Europe.




Whats the difference between an Apple and a Orange ?


You can't get a Apple B******




Celtic Jokes




Martin Appeal with his new car


Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop, and sees an ornamental brass rat, sort of thing women of a certain age like to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for my Mother-in-Law's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

" £10 for the rat, £100 for the story ", replies the man.

" Bugger the story " thinks the bloke, and takes the rat for a tenner. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 20 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop..... " Aaaah ", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story "

" Sod the story, where's the brass Celtic fan? "




' Comical Ali ' once again !


The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Celtic are good enough to win the Champions League this year." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"




QUESTION: What do you do if you see a Celtic fan buried up to his neck in sand?

ANSWER: Add more sand






DID THEY ACTUALLY SAY THAT ?



'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7. - David Beckham



'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka



We lost because we didn't win. - Ronaldo



I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona. - Mark Draper



I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right. - Lee Hendrie



I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country. - Ian Rush



Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today. - Steve Lomas



Sometimes in football you have to score goals. - Thierry Henry



I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.- Les Ferdinand



I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester. - Stan Collymore

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