Not only will Arsenal give you a lovely free gift, but Arsene will give a presentation speech. You know the sort of thing, well just in case you don't here are a few examples.

After drawing with Boro Arsene announced that on their day they can beat anyone. However he forgot to add anyone but Everton, Liverpool, and Chelsea to name but three who have whipped Southgate's wonder boys, and I don't recall any goals by Aliadiere.

Then there was the Ferret Faced One who hadn't scored for weeks, having cost £20 million and at risk of being shipped out, so the Arsenal defence resurrected his career by giving him a free shot on goal. Then there was the visit of Spurs, firmly stuck at the bottom of the league, couldn't win a match for love or money. What can we do to help, ah yes go 4-2 up and then let them equalise in extra time.

Roy Keane floundering - all the other nasty teams beating them three or four nil - let's give them a draw. Man City hadn't won for weeks, that nice Mr Hughes might be sacked, let's give him a comfy 3-0 win and a new start. No doubt you all have your favourite examples.

What's this got to do with Pompey Preview?

Obvious isn't it? Here is a team in free fall, leaking more goals than a bucket with no bottom. A defence even worse than the Gunners when defending a lead, and that is saying something. A manager who is at risk, the wonderful Mr Arsenal, the man who could sort out Arsenal's defence (You must be joking? Ed. Well slight irony. Boris). They must be a candidate for one of Arsene's gifts. Then he can make that speech about how big Tone will be one of England's best managers. Then Tone will lose the next three in a row and be sacked.

It's time to be Scrooge Arsene

Arsene has made the match preview redundant, after all this should be a certain win, it is certainly a must win if Villa are not to disappear into the distance. But who knows what form or mood this Arsenal team will turn up in. I am not even going to try. Arsene it is time to be scrooge to the opposition and give some gifts to your own supporters. So far we have two points out of six over the holiday period, five out of nine will hardly be championship form but it will help. So get that bloody defence sorted, and if necessary buy a defender or two.

I rarely quote Lawro on Arsenal Times but I have to say he has summed it up beautifully, "At the moment we are not sure what we are going to get with Arsenal - there's half an hour of pure blissful football and half an hour of abject panic."

Team News

Adebayor is back, but Clichy remains doubtful; contrary to what Kevin McCarra wrote in today's Guardian, Wenger did not chose to play the more conservative Silvestre, Clichy has a slight strain. Bendtner may have recovered from a knee injury. There is no news on Song at the time of writing.

Possible Squad

 Almunia, Fabianski, Sagna, Nasri, Gallas, Djourou, Clichy, Denilson, Song, Diaby, Wilshere, Eboue, Vela, Ramsey, Van Persie, Bendtner, Adebayor, Toure, Silvestre.

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