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Things that bloody annoy me: Travel.

By Dave Eadevic
January 19 2007

I practically travel for a living, I mean obviously I am actually needed on the other end of things, but I spend so much time getting there, I may as well bloody travel for a living. And I have a problem with all sorts of travel:

Planes:

Its quick, its fast, it’s a chance to put your life in the hands of some uniformed puff.

First you have the check in, ‘did you pack this bag yourself?’ look I am flying easy jet, how many people do you think I fucking employ?

‘Have you left your bag unattended?’ No how do you think I got this one?

Then you get on the plane and they give a life jacket, I am 2 mile in the sky, I am sorry but drowning is not high on my list of priorities.

Then the captain introduces himself ‘Hello I am Captain Johnson’ like I care, I have formulated a stress reduction plan which involves me shouting ‘Oh no not captain Johnson, we’re all going to die’, its fun and (I get to watch the rest of the passenger list quake in fear for the entire flight.

Ferries:

I like ferries I do, you can get drunk over an elongated period of time, unfortunately you have to deal with the working class, which frankly should just fuck off and take their scaffolding with them.

I find myself drawn towards various things, and frankly I should be awarded the noble peace prize for not killing them, but that is me Mr Nice, but I swear to god the next person that tries to get me to dance, I will kill.

Buses:

Not something I normally do, but since being criminally banned from driving I have had to suffer, so I was drunk, so I went down a one way street, the wrong way doing 90 in a 30 zone, well what can I say I was in a hurry.

I tried pleading insanity but wasn’t aloud to, so I have to try the bus, when I have 3 perfectly good cars at home.

But here is the real pisser, I was sentenced to community service, and do you know the first thing they asked? ‘Do you have transport?’ frankly death is too good for them.


Trains:

I have spent many hours on trains, generally waiting for it to actually sodding move.

And train spotters, why can’t we heard them and kill them.

And another thing, while it’s not really transport related, why can’t we set fire to pensioners?

They annoy me.

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